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The Colbert Report/Episode/513
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro Visa's Black Card * Dr. Colbert is outraged by something he saw * The End of White America ** he is not overreacting * The new Visa Black Card ** the Black Card is not for everyone! * judges not by the color of their skin * Visa is everywhere you want to be ** unless that's at a Jimmy Buffett concert * one step forward, two steps back ** another dance move Dr. Colbert can't do either because he's white * Senate passed the stimulus bill * Judd Gregg didn't vote ** would be a coin toss, if people still had coins Insurgency * credit Obama's new charm offensive ** terror * equivalent to everyone in Maine losing their jobs ** where would we get deodorant that doesn't work * tax cuts * model for success, Tonight's Word: ** Loyal Opposition * GOP must find a way to survive * Pete Sessions ** fight Democrats, insurgency might be required ** recommending the GOP not act like Al Qaeda, but the Taliban * GOP has in common with Taliban ** poor record with women ** ** invade Iraq ** shadowy leaders who communicate through poor-quality videos * give GOP time to regroup * to win back the people's trust, the GOP must act like their enemies ** look how successful it was for them; Obama took over their mess Shout Out * recognize the people who honor America; people who honor Stephen * Biology professor Eugene Robinson ** biochemical effect of cocaine on bees * he sent Dr. Colbert a jar of uncut honey direct from his lab ** pharmaceutical-grade hive-jive * Stephen asks the professor to test crystal meth on earthworms (?) * former Senator John Sununu ** found counterterrorism calendar * Stephen racially profiles all his office supplies * commemorates every terrorist attack ** except March 18 * senseless attack of the day reminder * wants 2009 calendar from Jean Shaheen ** calendar under Dems may be renamed "Hotties of the Persian Gulf" * Cesar, former employee ** Tank Gunbolt (sp) * 84th Airborne Vampire Hunters * sent Stephen flag officially framed and dated January 19, 2009 ** last flag to fly over Afghanistan while Bush was president * Stephen sent him a gift basket Crabtree & Evelyn ** even a soldier needs to feel pampered Interview * Robert Ballard * renown oceanographer, talk about job security, there's going to be a lot more ocean * archeological oceanographer * interested in human history beneath the sea ** hasn't found Atlantis yet * oceans cover 72% of the planet * better maps of Mars than the ocean * 1/2 of the U.S. is under water * U.S. owns 200 miles from the shore * including Hawaiian islands, etc * found the Titanic * most important thing he found was new life systems * giant worms ** another creature lives inside them (symbiosis) * NASA's 1-year budget = NOAA's budget for 1,600+ years * lobsters are red because hell is down there * we are living on the tops of mountains * found ancient shipwrecks ** in the Black Sea, everything is preserved * the next big goal under the ocean ** go where no one has gone before on planet Earth Epilogue * Dr. Colbert just figured out who The Heroes look like: me! If he was on a curvy-glassy thing! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments